the rest of them are not like us.

we go through our days, always thinking of new things, dreaming, planning. we go through our days, not sleep walking, and not following along a specific path.

don’t get me wrong, we have goals just like the rest of them, but we don’t limit ourselves. we do things for the simple sake of doing them because we want to. we’re spontaneous, passionate, valiant, positive, opportunistic. we don’t look back on moments of our lives and think,

what if i had done this? why am i doing what i’m doing?

we recognize that each experience lends light onto the next. each person that walks in, out and around our lives impacts us. we’ve learned patience, persistence. it’s not about the money, at the end of the day. it’s about living freely, at the end of the day.

raw and real.

fresh and unafraid.

open and myself.

i lived a life to please my parents.
this transfered over to pleasing others.

things are different now.

some photos from september. the past few weeks have been the greatest weeks i've had in a long, long time. it feels good to be doing things i truly enjoy.

tonight i read thirty letters i received at the end of the school year my senior year. some of them weren't signed, but it was obvious to me who they were from because of the kinds of things they said and the memories they brought up.

looking back at how people described me makes me wonder how i've changed since that time. maybe i'm not that different, i've just experienced different things since then. Lauren said the other night that she asked herself recently, "who do i want to be in five years?"


"your spontaneity and empathy leave me feeling better at the end of the day."

santa monica.

The trip to Santa Monica/Los Angeles is how the rest of my vacations should be. We had some set plans, some loose plans, and some free time.

Lauren asked me three days before the trip, and I up and bought a plane ticket with money i've had saved for a while now.

I felt so spoiled on this trip. Lauren's brother Eric and his girlfriend Jamie went all out. I kept trying to give Eric money when we would go places, but he never would take it. They bought every meal I had on the whole trip. They made me coffee in the morning and gave me chips and hummus in the afternoon. They drove Lauren and I everywhere we went, except for the days she and i biked to the beach.

I went to my first baseball game ever, we had seats in about the tenth row and we collectively ate enough hot dogs and fries to feed a small army. After the Dodgers game, we went to a karaoke bar nearby and sang and laughed our hearts out. Lauren and I also went to Hard Summer Music Festival and saw The Twelves, Crystal Castles, and a bunch of other performers.

Right now i am writing them both a letter and mailing them mix cds. I think i'll even send them a bottle of wine. Jamie said I was welcome back any time to make her feel twenty again. Lauren and I have already been talking about going back again one day and visiting some other places too like San Francisco.

I'm really learning this summer about being comfortable with other people doing generous things for me. Sure, all growing up I was used to my family being overly generous, but now i'm getting used to the people I meet doing what I would do for them.

good to see you.

I’ve seen some beautiful sunsets in the past week.

The other day after Kate and i went biking on the trail, i went for a drive out in the country by myself to see the sunset.

Last night the sunset looked beautiful as it changed the colours of the lake Rachel, Chris, and Andrew were swimming in.

It's been refreshing to have my four closest friends from ninth grade all together again. It's been two years since the five of us have all been able to do the things we used to do together like bowling, making videos, playing games, sharing stories, and the like.

Yesterday was so good. Kate and i went for a run in an area of Rock Bridge State Park that no one goes to. It felt so good to run again. I hadn't sweated that much in months, or been that muddy since Jamaica.

It was just the two of us running through the woods and catching up. She had just gotten back from Italy, and she recently decided to stay here in town for college. We've been brainstorming taking a road trip one day to Alaska and going backpacking with her brother and a few friends.

Rachel and I went to see Minus the Bear on Tuesday night in Lawrence. I was surprised by some of the songs they played. Like "Spritz!!! Spritz!!!" and "Get Me Naked 2: Electric Boogaloo."

Afterwards, on our forty-five minute drive to my sister's boyfriend's house, we really wanted to go swim in a lake or pool. We stopped at a gas station to get milk for the morning, the guy working gave us free donuts. Luckily there were sprinklers on the side of the road for us to run and dance through.

When we got home, Rachel said, "it feels weird to be home with no trips planned."

So far, i won't be going anywhere for the rest of the summer, other than a day trip to see Phoenix, Two Door Cinema Club, and Toro Y Moi in the beginning of august.

here, there.

I spent the weekend camping and boating at Mark Twain Lake with Lauren and her closest friends. I'm leaving again soon to go to Kansas.

weekend in brooklyn.

i flew out friday morning to brooklyn to spend fourth of july weekend with rachel. my first night there was my favorite. it was cool that evening, we even wore jackets. we went down to coney island and walked along the shore. the fireworks show was breathtaking and once we got back to the apartment we went to a small restaurant a few blocks away. i had to hold myself back from singing along to each song they played in the restaurant. we shared stories we'd never shared before while we ate fresh fish and split a bottle of wine.

changes

i see girls trying to "fix" or "change" their boyfriends. i also see them try to hold their boyfriends back from things they want to do in their life. this girl once told me when talking about her boyfriend, "i trained him."

the changes you want to make in yourself will come from you and you alone.

who you are and what you do, even the things you dream about, are a matter of what you want, and i won’t try to change that. let's have fun together as each day comes our way.