went to vail last weekend with my mom and dad to visit my sister. while we were there, we saw philadelphia orchestra perform at the gerald ford amphitheater. i enjoyed biking with my dad on the beautiful mountain trails. it rained every day but all in all it was a relaxing five day trip. i caught up on my reading and had wonderful dinners with my family. 

when i got home, i found out i was accepted into stephens college. i have a tour and meeting with my advisor tomorrow morning. i could not be more please with the new chapter ahead in my life. i am excited for all the new opportunities ahead of me. as summer's winding down, i'm growing closer to my friends each week and learning more about myself and the world around me and my true opinions of things. 

be gentle with yourself. you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

i'm ready for summer, as always. i've made a list like i always do. random ideas of things i want to do, things i want to plan, things i want to accomplish. i plan on working this summer, maybe two jobs, i'm thinking about waiting tables at this fancy restaurant downtown. i looked at an apartment right downtown, the rent isn't much at all, and i would only live there mid-may until august. i also want to volunteer my time in some way, maybe shoot photos for a boutique or start my own radio show. 

i'm looking forward to running around in a tank top and shorts, going on spontaneous road trips, reading books all day in your hammock, swimming night and day, biking next to the river, picnics in the park, sitting for hours at a time sharing stories and listening to records, eating fresh donuts at five a.m., going to the farmers market on saturday mornings.

if not now, when?

i don't have to leave anymore, what i have is right here.
spend my days and nights before, searching the world for what's right here.


if this were to go under, that's a risk i'd take.

new beat.

good times for a change. i haven't laughed this much in a long time. i have fun with you and our friends. the stories you share go on for longer than i'm used to. it's rubbed off on me a little but i don't mind. each day, i'm feeling more and more happy and comfortable here. i could really get used to all the fun things i've been doing lately. age really is nothing but a number. the past few weeks i've been growing in so many positive ways.  i don't, however, want to wake up dreaming and another year has passed. i strive to live each day with purpose and meaning, making the most out of my time here with you.

cold shoulder.

all you left me was a cold shoulder. i don't believe in ending things this way. moments like this are a reminder that people will do whatever it is they please. there's nothing left that i can say. it's time we go our own way. 

my days have been busier than ever. i'm working about four or five days a week now instead of six or seven. i have a schedule i set today to finish my online courses between now and the end of may.

my father's having a heart operation this weekend in ohio. he and my mother are driving there and my aunt will be coming to stay in town. i don't know what i'll do if i lose my father this weekend. until then, i will try to stay focused and hope for the best outcome.

everyday felt like it was the last one with you.

the stars looked good on my drive home alone tonight. i need to stop falling asleep on my couch like i have been the past week.

i booked a flight today to go see my sister in a week, i'll take a bus to kansas city. when i get to indiana, i'll take a bus into bloomington, hang out in the downtown area until my sister is off work.  i don't know when else i would get to see her before august.

she's going to australia for spring break and then doing an internship in colorado this summer.

coming up soon a film festival will be taking over my town. there's always such an energy about the town when all the film makers and performers are here.

i like the people i've been hanging around lately. they all bring different things to the table. i talked to kate yesterday and she told me she's joining an archery team and volunteering at the hospital all in the next week.

looking at the relationships and friendships i have now, makes me wonder what future people i will meet. i worry about connecting with others the way i do now.

you want three things:
love, acceptance, and appreciation.

these days,

i work at the coffee shop in the hospital every day (every few weeks i work downtown to mix it up), i teach myself german, and i work on my english and history courses. i'm enjoying my job, i wish i had gotten it sooner, i long to have certain opportunities and experiences this year, and i'm giving my all in the things i do to get there. i keep to myself most days, i go out to dinner with friends a few days a week, but other than that i don't do much since it's cold out.

i see my parents every other day, i write letters to my closest friends, and i call my aunt and sister often.

i'm wearing a black dress and you're in a suit. we're taking the train, going down to a party. we show up on time, make new friends, see old ones, and walk home when it's over.

i'm wearing cream and navy. i'm laying around for days laughing on the mediterranean with you. our hair gets lighter and longer with each new day.

i'm wearing a sweater that's too big for me and a pair of your socks. we're spending the afternoon on the couch, listening to some music neither one of us have ever heard before.

i woke up early and am making tea in the kitchen. you come in to see a pair of plane tickets i put on the counter, we're leaving for the weekend.

these are some of the things i dream about doing one day with someone who cares about me.

when the weather warm's in april, let’s go camping and take the dogs to the park.

until then, let’s go skate on the ice and spend our days reading.

tonight, i’m driving again. i’m on my way to you, it’s all i want to do.